Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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