I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
