I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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