I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
