I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
