Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
