I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
