If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
how drunk are you?
Several
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
