I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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