Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
