it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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