i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
