i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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