Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
