You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
