I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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