I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
