it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
