She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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