Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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