If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
