My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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