I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
