We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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