I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
