I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
