i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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