I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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