Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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