she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
