So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
