When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
