After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
