i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
