what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
