doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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