I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
