I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
