SEEEEXXX PLEASE
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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