My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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