Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
