Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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