Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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