Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
