so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
