I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
