Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
