She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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