ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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