i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
