i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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