you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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