saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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