Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
