I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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