So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
